Conflict in a Family Service
Call to Worship
Psalm 149
1 Praise the LORD! Sing to the LORD a new song, his praise in the assembly of the faithful.
2 Let Israel be glad in its Maker; let the children of Zion rejoice in their King.
3 Let them praise his name with dancing, making melody to him with tambourine and lyre.
4 For the LORD takes pleasure in his people; he adorns the humble with victory.
Song: Fight the good fight
Prayers
Loving God - we thank you for your all embracing love - for how you not only hold us by our hand as we learn how to walk in your ways - but also for how you hold us and our world in your heart both in the daytime and in the night . We praise you, O God, for your tender love and we thank you for your mercy and your grace.
As we meet together before you now we ask guide and lead us by the power of your living power in the way we should go. May our song, our prayer, our speaking and our listening, our thinking and our doing give you glory, both now and forevermore. Amen
Prayer of Confession:
Merciful and gracious God, when we remember what you have done for us in your Son Jesus Christ, clothing us with love- we are filled with a sense of wonder and joy that you should care for us so deeply.
Sadly, we confess that there are times when our words and actions, our weak or unconvincing witness deny the existence of your love deep within the fabric of our lives.
When our behaviour is patterned more on the values of the world than the values of Jesus: forgive us and weave your Spirit anew within us.
Pause for silent confession
When we clothe ourselves with habits which reflect our own selfish desires rather than the selfless nature of Jesus:
forgive us and weave your Spirit anew within us
Pause for silent confession
When the lives of neighbours are unravelling because of poverty, broken relationships, substance abuse, discrimination, and we fail to love them as Jesus loves us:
forgive us and weave your Spirit anew within us.
Pause for silent confession
When we believe that we have to gather up the loose ends and tangled threads of our lives and our families and communities on our own: forgive us and weave your Spirit anew within us .
Merciful God, take the frayed strands of our lives and weave them into something beautiful. This we pray in Jesus' name. Amen
ASSURANCE OF FORGIVENESS:
Hear the good news: where two or three are gathered, as we are, in Jesus' name, he is here among us, renewing, loving and forgiving us.
Thanks be to God!
Let us respond to his forgiveness by saying the Prayer Jesus taught us to pray. Our Father……
Notices and Offering
Happy Birthday August and September.
Interview Lisa. Swimming a mile for Uganda.
Learning Scripture:
Matthew 6: 14-15
14 For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will forgive you. 15 But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.
Bible Readings:
Matthew 18: 15-20
15 "If another member of the church sins against you, go and point out the fault when the two of you are alone. If the member listens to you, you have regained that one.
16 But if you are not listened to, take one or two others along with you, so that every word may be confirmed by the evidence of two or three witnesses.
17 If the member refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church; and if the offender refuses to listen even to the church, let such a one be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector.
18 Truly I tell you, whatever you bind on earth will be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth will be loosed in heaven.
19 Again, truly I tell you, if two of you agree on earth about anything you ask, it will be done for you by my Father in heaven.
20 For where two or three are gathered in my name, I am there among them.
Hymn: From the Rising of the sun
All Age Talk:
(Argument Pic)
Have you ever had an argument with anyone? A disagreement, a misunderstanding?
Has there ever been a time when someone has stone-walled you? Or you have stone walled another person, frozen them out, cut them off, a personality clash. What happens when someone hurts us instead of loves us?
Try and recall such an incident that has happened you to, the worst thing that someone has done to you...
Perhaps it was a promotion at work that you thought should have gone to you but went instead to someone else, yet you know they acted underhand to get it..
Or maybe it was the way you got cheated out of something by another, or you received less than you thought you were entitled to because someone else interfered, and stole it from under your nose.
Maybe it was the way someone lied, or stole, or hurt you in some way that was deeply painful.
It happens in the playground, in the work place, in the family, at the retirement club - even in the church! Do you remember it happening to you? Remember?
I expect you do, for it is very difficult to forget when such an
injustice hurts you.
Now - ask yourself - what did you do about it?
I need some help with what one way to deal with things
Here is "Fred"
Fred is working to earn some money to buy something he really would like.
He tells "Sally" about it.
Sally goes to see this thing that Fred is working hard to buy and she knows why he wants it. She admired Fred, but not as much as she admired the thing he is working towards. Sally really likes this thing too, so she decides to buy it for herself.
She tells Fred what she has done.
Fred is furious!
Fred sulks, and gets cross at Sally and Sally takes offence.
Fred decided never to speak to Sally again and when he sees her he avoids her, he crosses the road if he sees her at the bus stop. If he walks into a shop and she is there, he walks out again quickly.
Fred tells his friends how much he doesn't like Sally, and about the horrible things she has done - soon other people done like her either. Simply because they like Fred, not that she has done anything to them.
Sally is sad and tries to make it up to Fred, but Fred won't have anymore to do with her, ever! Fred moves away to get away from this situation.
Result - complete breakdown in relationship, hostility, division.
Has this ever happened to you?
If we are honest, I fear something of this nature has happened to most of us at sometime or another.
Either we have been Fred or Sally and a relationship has crumbled away simply because we did not deal with things the way Jesus told us to. Let's have a closer look at Matthew 18 and se what Jesus says - but first lets sing:
Hymn: Here is Love vast as the ocean
All Age Talk:
(Pic of Jesus with child)
Matthew 18 is guidelines which were meant for those within the church, those who assemble together in Gods name, who, for one reason or another, end up being offended against by one of their fellow believers. But I believe we can take these guidelines out into other relationships, and with wisdom and openness allow this strategy to help us out:
(Pic: Go alone)
THE VERY FIRST PRINCIPLE IS THIS - the person who is offended against is called to take the initiative in seeking reconciliation, in seeking to make things right once again.
If you are hurt by someone - - if it is serious enough for you to brood over, serious enough that you find yourself telling other people about it - serious enough that you are facing the temptation of gossiping about the person who has hurt you in some way - then we are called to take action and to try to heal the breach that has opened up between us and our neighbour.
Very few people are fond of confrontation. Hands up those who welcome confrontation?
We let things slide, letting them go, brush them under the carpet - but sadly often they don't go away and we are soon brooding about them, and angry and hurt inside.
There are different reasons offered as to why people will not confront those who have hurt them or wronged them..
Some people have the idea that Christians are not supposed to get angry, let alone confront others with their anger. Christians have to be nice - because God is nice!
Jesus never said this! In fact he did say, if your brother wrongs you - go to him and tell him your problem.
Don't avoid the person who has offended them; don't turn away from dealing with the person who has wronged you.
Have you ever heard this one: They should come to me and apologise. I'm waiting for them to make the first step. I did nothing wrong! Sadly while this would be very nice - it is hopelessly idealistic.
First of all we need to be aware that the person who has offended us may not even realize that she or he has done so;
- so why would they apologize?
secondly - even if the person realizes that they have offended - they simply may not care - or they may not realize what is at stake and hope that time will bring a healing without any action being necessary. It is, after all, hard to confess.
What is at stake when we do not deal with things like this is our inner peace, and the peace within our community.
William Blake - in his poem "A Poison Tree" wrote these words:
I was angry with my friend,
I told my wrath, my wrath did end.
I was angry with my foe,
I told it not, my wrath did grow.
If we are concerned about something that has been committed against us - we are called to take action to resolve the situation we are called to speak of our wrath, and hopefully, put it to an end.
(Face to face Pic)
THE SECOND GUIDELINE that Jesus gives us for dealing with those who have sinned against us in today's gospel reading is this - attempt to set the matter straight privately.
As a person who occasionally - and without malice or forethought- offends others, I can tell you that nothing hurts more than to discover sometime later from someone else that I someone is not happy with you. That you have done something or said something that they have never told you, but they have decided to tell someone else.
This happened to me once. I found out from another party that I had not done something they way they wanted, but sadly they never told me! Why? Well they didn't want to offend me, they wanted to be nice! Yet all the time, they were not happy with me! Madness!
If someone wrongs you Jesus says, go and point out the fault when the two of you are alone. Privately sort out your problems, let their be openness, conversation, and forgiveness. These are the keys to healing and restored relationships. And if they listens to you, there is a new beginning.
Sounds easy - yes, but, what happens if the person refuses to listen? If they refuse to understand where we are coming from?
If they remain adamant that they were in the right and that your opinion does not matter to them? If they are unrepentant?
(Group Pic)
JESUS OFFERS TO US A THIRD PRINCIPLE or guideline to cover these cases - he suggests as a next step that:
"if you are not listened to, take one or two others along with you, so that every word may be confirmed by the evidence of two or three witnesses."
Respect the wisdom of others! Find people who can support both sides of the problem. You don't simply bring along your allies to emphasis your view, but people who are neutral, who can be wise and helpful to the situation.
And again Jesus says
"If the person refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church - here he means a group of caring and discerning fellow believers - and if the offender refuse to listen even to the church - let such a one be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector."
So the guidelines out of conflict are:
1) Go to the person who has hurt you. Be big enough and willing to make the first move. - Openness!
2) Do it privately. Let there be integrity and Respect!
3) If that doesn't work, allow the wisdom others to help you both out of the mess. Wisdom and Discernment.
And if that fails - treat the offender like a Gentile and a tax collector.
(Up a Tree Pic)
Jesus' instructions are quite simple, and you will either win back your brother or sister, they repent and harmony will be restored between you - or the offender, by his or her own choice, is disposed of, by everyone!
That would seem to be the end of the matter - we are either able to mend our fences by following the instructions of Jesus - or we are not able to mend our fences - and no blame attaches itself to us in the process - because we have done all that we should.
But that is not the end of the matter - - it is not the end of the matter because we are people who follow Jesus, and he had a history about the way he treated Tax Collectors and Gentiles.
Jesus said: "And if that fails - if they do not repent - treat them like a Gentile and a tax collector."
Let us recall that the one who speaks these words is the one of whom it was said "Now the tax collectors and sinners were drawing near to him." And the people murmured against Jesus, saying, "This man receives sinners and eats with them."
Let us also recall that Jesus said to those who criticized the company he kept: "If you are sick, you have no need of a doctor. I've come to seek and to save the lost."
Let us also remember that, as Matthew records, at his birth the first to show up at Bethlehem to see him were the magi - Gentiles from the East....
And one of the first healings, recorded in the gospel of Matthew, was the healing of a servant of a gentile army
officer...
And that one day, Jesus called a man named Matthew to be his disciple - and do your remember what Matthew did for a living when Jesus called him?.... He was not a gentile - but he was a tax collector.
Not to mention my tree climbing friend Zaccheaus!
Get my drift? How did Jesus treat Gentiles and Tax Collectors? With grace, love and mercy.
Jesus, concludes his conversation about how to deal with those who have offended us by saying - "Where two or three are gathered in my name, I am there among them."
If we are going to be true followers of Jesus - then we must be among the people he chose to be with - sinners, Gentiles, and tax collectors.
We are not called to be among them as superior to them - nor are we called to be judges - we are called to be among them as ones who owe nothing to anyone -but love.
(Pic: Jesus and child - 1st Pic again)
We can't always mend the fences, we can't always make peace with those who sin against us - but we are challenged to try - and when we fail - we are still challenged to demonstrate love.
We will go a long way towards mending our fences
a long way towards healing our broken relationships when we remember these words of Jesus.
It's not how we would treat Sinners, Tax Collectors and Gentiles - its about how he would treat them. For it is Jesus who we follow, it's his life and teaching we strive to emulate.
So if all else fails, friends I see that’s its simply grace after grace. This is the only way to move forward. May God help us in all our broken relationships to be brave enough to strive for peace and harmony. Amen.
Music: Make me a channel of your peace
Mime: Ken - Peace
Intercession:
Paula Watson and Pete Runchman. Deandra Allen, Winfred grandson.
Iraq and Hurricane Katrina
One year On - Beslan.
Baby Blessing: Micha Nugent
Hymn: Amazing Grace
Benediction:
A Blessing To Serve --
Go - love and care for one another in the name of Christ
The Grace together.